Syzdekistan

Congratulations to our good friends Sharon and Joey who just had a baby. The exchange of emails regarding the happy addition was pretty funny (especially if you are a biologist).

More under the fold:

First email was from Michelle:

Hi Everyone,

Sunday evening:
This is just to inform you all that Sharon will be having her baby any second. She started having contractions about 8:00 am. Was at the hospital by 11:00. At 3:00 she had not had him yet. The doctors think she will have it this evening.

Michelle

Then an update from Michelle:

Hi All,

Sharon hatched the baby at 6:45 Sunday evening. It is a boy. Weighed 7lbs 10 oz and 19 3/4 long. Sharon is doing well. They haven’t decided on a name yet.

Michelle

Notice the word “hatched.” Has Michelle been working at the Desert Tortoise Center too long?

I send a reply to the whole list (I realize I’m running a risk here):

Is “hatched” your word or Sharon’s?

Congratulations to Sharon and Joey on yet another successful reproduction!

Dave

This is a risk. I am sending this to 8 people, many of them biologists. Then the replies come.

First from Michelle:

Mine of course. It is a permanent part of my vocabulary for all species.

OK, thats somewhat alarming. Then a response from Rachel. She knows Michelle all too well:

LOL. Hi Dave! I am sure “hatched” is Michelle’s word. How are you and Nancy and your girl doing?

Rachel

We’re fine. Somewhere between alarmed and perplexed at this point. Then from Jeri (she’s got milt on her mind, (I see her wearing a t-shirt, “Got milt?)):

Or you could also call this a successful “spawn”…

Hmmm, hatching, reproduction, and spawning - goes to show what line of work we are all in….

Like Dave said, CONGRATULATIONS to Sharon and Joey!

Jeri

Then Jackie gets technical:

hey - lets go to the dictionary!
hatch:
-”to produce young; as, eggs hatch.” (well Sharon’s egg was long gone as JUST an egg - it got well encompassed & developed);
let’s look further:
- “to emerge from the egg, as an insect, fish, bird, etc.” (well, I doubt that Sharon’s opinion would be that her baby EMERGED; and certainly with her and Joey’s looks CERTAINLY doesn’t resemble anything like a fish, bird or anything remotely described as “etc.”
let’s look even further:
-”the number of eggs put under a fowl or into an incubator for one hatching.” (That CERTAINLY does not describe Sharon - she isn’t a fowl, i.e., chicken! How could one possibly describe HER as CHICKEN when she’s got JOEY to deal with (sweetheart as he is), and her 1st born son: a wonderful lively boy attempting to enter into manhood as fast as he can!” Even the incubator part doesn’t match: did anyone SEE Sharon inside an incubator trying to push that guy out ? Of course not! It never happened!
ok then. spawn? isn’t that a Sci-Fi movie. That doesn’t match Sharon.
reproduction? well, that sounds like Sharon is a Kodak CD on a scanner that replicates. Nope, thats not it.
Ah…….BIRTH ! “The act or fact of coming into life, or of being born; nativity as; the BIRTH of a son.”
or even better:
CREATE! “To originate; to bring into being from nothing; to cause to exist.”
Thats IT! It wasn’t only Sharon….Joey’s there too….”to originate and bring into being from nothing…to cause to exist.” Pretty dang breathtaking ! (ok, everyone take a deep breath….ahhhhhhhhh, nice).
What the new little guy’s name is, will come (and may have by now), but his creation is purely human and spontaneous! A blink! And there he begins. A new creation ! Nice going Sharon and Joey !!!!!! Congratulations, and may you always enjoy the soft and quiet moments of your children. They will bombard you with more intense moments, but take a deep breath, and forge ahead. Its truly worth all the loss of sleep! Thats what your 90’s are for (rocking on that front porch!) !!!!!
Happy Parenting!

I couldn’t have said it better myself. And a response from Jeri:

Bravo Jackie, very clever and well stated. However, I would like to offer an expansion on the definition of “spawn” because I think the term deserves a little more air time (although being a bird biologist, I don’t profess to be an ichthyologist or fisheries expert, but have to rely on good ole Webster …)

” to produce young, especially in large numbers” (well, I do understand Sharon LOVES motherhood, so how many kids do you think she would like to have?);

“to produce or deposit (eggs) - used of an aquatic animal” (okay, Sharon is definitely NOT an aquatic animal, but she did produce, and technically speaking, deposited an egg somewhere along the way ….);

“to bring forth and generate” (she AND Joey definitely brought forth a beautiful baby boy and generated another wonderful human life on this planet, and we are all so happy for her and Joey!)

Jeri

And then finally Kristen pipes in from New Hampshire:

Holy crap guys! I apparently took up a lot of the time in your lives because now being 3k miles away, I would say you have way too much time on your hands. Or is it that you both are procrastinating something like say………emailing a distant friend?

Oh, and they did name the baby something. Nancy told me. I forgot what. Oh well.