Syzdekistan

Today I came uncomfortably close to death.

At work, we are currently doing some native fish surveys on the Muddy River. We spent the morning checking hoop nets and minnow traps for native fish on the lower river right above Lake Mead. We caught a variety of introduced fish and a few bullfrog tadpoles and crayfish. Checking the traps and nets involved wading or swimming out to the survey sites. When we finished for the day, we went into Overton for lunch. Still slightly wet from the river, we sat down at a local restaurant for lunch.

I took my first bite of a barbecue beef sandwich and promptly choked on a piece of non-shredded meat. My first thought was a silly one: “Dave, you idiot, food goes down the esophagus, air goes down the trachea”. My next thought was, “Man, that’s stuck in there and I can’t breathe. I really can’t breathe.” For some reason, I thought a swig of soda would help. That did nothing and now I had a mouthful of Diet Coke as well as a blocked airway to deal with.

I still wasn’t really scared. In fact, realizing that something unpleasant was probably soon going to come out of my mouth, I grabbed my napkin and suddenly stood up and walked a few steps away from my dining companions. I still couldn’t breathe. Nothing was going in or out of my airway. I tried to cough, but I didn’t have enough air in my lungs to dislodge the food. I then realized I was in real trouble. All of a sudden, I had a huge urge to breathe. It had probably only been 20 or 30 seconds, but I suddenly realized I needed to breathe, right now!

I turned back to my dining companions, who were watching me with puzzlement. One of the BIO-WEST biologists, Travis, leapt to his feet, and forcibly asked, “Do you need help!?” With a supreme effort, I made one final effort to cough. Finally, the food moved up a little. Spitting the soda into my cupped hands, I was now able to slowly inhale a little bit of air into my lungs. Now I was able to really cough, and I was able to clear the food from my trachea.

Now I was able to gasp for breath. I croaked “I’m OK” to Travis. I went to the restroom, spit the food into the garbage, and washed my hands and face. Returning to the table, my companions were very concerned. They weren’t sure what was happening until I turned around and saw that I looked really scared and I had “bug eyes.” Travis and Brandon both then realized I was choking and Travis was a few seconds from giving me the Heimlich maneuver.

Sitting back down, my hands were shaking as I finished my lunch. I did take comfort in the fact that my pants weren’t any wetter than they were when I entered the restaurant.

There are a couple of things that I should have done when I began to choke. I shouldn’t have tried to drink anything. I shouldn’t have left the table. In the past, I have heard of people dying in the restroom because they went there when they were embarrassed to be choking. I probably should have immediately given the sign for choking by putting my hands on my throat and allowed one of my companions to administer back slaps and then abdominal thrusts. I also could have tried self-administered abdominal thrusts.

This experience was terrifying (although only briefly). It was silent, and for a few moments, no one in the crowded restaurant knew what was happening to me. Although I have a lot of first aid and emergency training, all of that flew out the window when I was the victim.

After lunch, I called Hot Wife and told her my story. At first she was concerned and then she wondered: “If you died, could I successfully sue the restaurant for your failure to chew their food?” I wonder.